The following article is reprinted from the April 2004 issue of Tri-State Voice.

Let's Talk about Sex

A sixteen year old boy ogles internet porn on his bedroom PC. His fourteen year old sister listens to Jessica Simpson's "Sweetest Sin" while text messaging gossip about her fantasy with green eyes. Their twelve year old brother lost his virginity last week.

And mom and dad are still irate about Janet Jackson's sunburst nipple ring.

It's time for a little perspective.

True, the Super Bowl half time show was a prime time peep show, and yes, Howard Stern's raunch putrefies the airwaves. MTV does in fact peddle sex and sexuality to children, while Tony Soprano frequents nude bars and Showtime flaunts "The L-Word." Hollywood starlets find it "liberating" to take their clothes off on super-sized movie screens; fashion magazines delight in high-gloss sensuality; and a drug-addicted curiosity flashes a talk show host half a dozen times on network TV. Mainstream musicians produce hard core pornography; advertising titillates; Pee Wee Herman is a registered sex offender; Jerry Springer built a career out of showcasing sexual deviants; and an Oscar-winning actress boasts about noncommittal "adult relationships" with "friends."

But it's not just entertainers whose "milkshake" brings "the boys to the yard." Regular folks jump in an out of sexual relationships, and sexual sin plagues many a pulpit. Even biblical heroes were sexually suspect (Samson, David, Solomon, to name just three), and the apostle Paul acknowledged sexual "burn."

In an age of hyper-sexuality and Lil' Kim pasties, what are parents to do to protect their children from premature sex besides complain about the FCC? (Incidentally, the FCC exerts exactly no influence over your teenage son when he's alone with his girlfriend.)

First, clean house. Not your kid's house; your house. It's difficult to talk to your teen about lust when Playboy's anniversary special is hidden in your closet.

Second, communicate more than just "The Talk." While the birds and bees might be fine, they're just the beginning. Sexual curiosity is real, and if your child doesn't feel comfortable looking to you for answers, he'll find them somewhere else. If you're not sure what age to begin the dialogue, ask your kid. What does he know already? What would she like to know?

Third, offer accountability, not judgment. The best way to safeguard oneself from secret sin is to expose secret struggles to trusted confidants. If you want to help your child resist sexual temptation, be someone she can trust not to hold her temptations against her.

Fourth, relate, don't condemn. Except for hardened individuals whose consciences are seared, most people know when they've done wrong - or even just thought wrong - and feel terrible about it. Heaping guilt and condemnation ("That was bad!") breeds helplessness, not hope.

Fifth, seek restoration, not retribution. When sexual failings do occur, as many do, help rebuild and restore your child's confidence. Instead of "punishing" him by removing privileges, help him define boundaries for his own behavior. Empower success by assisting her in discovering her own capacity for self-control.

Finally, have an ear to hear. Specific behaviors often mask deeper emotional issues. Avoid the temptation to get distracted by the salacious details of individual acts, and press in to discover what's really going on in the person's life that would weaken resistance to lust.

God wired us to desire sex as the ultimate expression of love and the means to procreate. That pure desire gets corrupted in a sinful world, becoming a universal thorn in the side for all of us. By maintaining an honest dialogue, adults who care about kids can teach them to manage the thorn and rely on grace.

In other words, talk the SEX talk and walk the SEX walk ... with your kids.

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Additional articles by Jeremy available online:

Why I Support the Billy Graham Crusade (and Pray You Do Too) (March 2005)
Things We Don't Talk About (February 2005)
X Factor: Redefining a Generation for Xmas (December 2004)
An Embarrassment of Riches: Economic Injustice and the Church (November 2004)
Wake Up from Slumber: Civic Hypocrisy and Voter Dysfunction (October 2004)
A Letter to My Son on Father's Day (June 2004)
Fight of the Fatherless (May 2004)
Beyond Passion: Living a Crucified Life (March 2004)
Losing Races: A Dream Deferred (February 2004)
From Irrelevant to Revolutionary: A 21st Century Continental Congress (November 2003)
A Crisis of Zeroes: Engaging NYC Public Schools (September 2003)
WWJD (What Would Jay-Z Do): Engaging Youth Culture (August 2003)
The Joshua Paradox: Establishing a Meaningful Mentorship Model (July 2003)
Young People are NOT the Future: Embracing the YW8? (Why Wait?)™ Generation (June 2003)
Thanks to Heroes (September 2002)
A View from Ground Zero (September 2001)
By Any Means Necessary: Free Hot Dogs and Youth Evangelism (July 2001)
Ground Zero Photos (Photography)

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